When Bow is good....

When Bow is good, he is very, very good (and when he is bad, he is horrid.) Just like the little girl who had a little curl, in my Untermeyer anthology. Today, Bow is good. He is very, very good.

The school bus this morning went whizzing past our house about seven minutes earlier than usual, and it didn't even pause to see if Sword was there. I had to take her to school. I asked for Bow's cooperation. He graciously agreed that I should be allowed to take Sword to school in the car. When I returned, about ten minutes later, Bow was still good. He caused no mischief. He was calm and patiently waiting for me to come back.

What makes people cooperate with other people? What makes apes cooperate with other apes? Or dogs with dogs? Is it selfless devotion or enlightened self-interest?

Teyman, our tiny little terrier-like mixed breed mutt, is currently in heat. We know this, not because of the way Teyman is behaving, but because of Brownie's sudden, extreme, focused interest in her. He is a giant of a dog compared to her-- a chocolate lab. His exertions and attempts at mating are not going to result in puppies, but they certainly burn a lot of calories and keep the two of them occupied for hours. They also raise quite a thirst, and the water bowl gets emptied of its contents much faster than usual.

When I refill the water bowl, Brownie stands back, his tongue lolling in his mouth, while Teyman drinks first. Only after Teyman has had her fill, does Brownie allow himself to drink. He usually empties the bowl, he's that thirsty!

What accounts for Brownie's gentlemanly concern for Teyman's well-being? Is it love? Or is it the realization that he needs her? And, actually, is there any difference between the one motivation and the other?

Primatologists provisioning wild bonobos with sugar cane have noticed that the females and the young are allowed to take their pick of the sugar cane allotment, while all the males stand back, waiting for their turn. When the women and children of the bonobo people have taken what they want, that's when the men and adolescent boys move in for their share.

Watching this, different primatologists come to different conclusions. Some claim that among the bonobos, the females are dominant, because only dominance could account for the females getting to eat first. But others have observed that this rule isn't enforced by the females. It's enforced by the males. When a young, immature male tries to break the rules, it is older males who see that he stays in line. What the males among the bonobos have agreed to abide by is a rule of chivalry. The weak and the helpless get to feed first.

What motivates bonobos to adopt this chivalrous attitude? Is it selflessness, or is it the understanding that they need their females? I think it's enlightened self-interest. I think all forms of chivalry and every kind of love stems from an understanding that deep down we really do need one another.

Bow does cooperate with me. He knows that our fates are linked. He is especially solicitous whenever I am sick. He understands that he needs me, and he doesn't want me to die. Who else will take care of him? He worries about what will happen when I am gone.

On the days when he's being bad, it's because Bow thinks I can take it. All forms of exploitation are based on a misunderstanding of interdependence. Governments that overtax citizens forget that if the citizens fail, they do as well. Masters who overwork servants forget that they need their servants strong and healthy. Children who overburden their mothers forget that it's on their mothers' strong backs that their very survival depends.

But today Bow is good. He is watching Teyman and Brownie outside. He understands that for me to be able get him a mate, I will need to prosper. If we work together, there's nothing that we can't accomplish!

Internalizing the Rules

Yesterday was a good day for me in terms of Google earnings, largely due to an upswing in traffic to my hub on Lelouch of the Rebellion. Here's how it happened: some guy from an anime BBS board got upset at my references to WWII on that hub. Specifically, he was upset because I compared the Japanese to the Italians and concluded that while the Italians were fake fascists, really valuing personal comfort and well being over conquest and valor, the Japanese were, by and large, true fascists. This upset him, because he saw my statement as praise of the Japanese. Now, of course, in most circles, calling someone a fascist isn't taken as praise. It really all depends on your system of values, but many people aren't aware that there could be more than one set of values. This guy told me that I should not be taken in by the mystique of anime; the Japanese were butchers who committed atrocities of the grossest kind against civilian populations and helpless prisoners. When I told him that I already knew that, and that it in no way contradicted what I said, he started quoting Bushido at me.

What does this have to do with Bow? you are probably wondering. He is neither Japanese nor Italian, was born long after WWII, and doesn't even enjoy watching Lelouch of the Rebellion. Well, oddly enough, the problem I was having communicating my position to the anime critic relates directly with the problem I am having getting Bow to adopt my system of values. Bow keeps promising to "be good" and he is "good" as long as I am right there, but the moment I turn my back on him, he breaks all the rules. This happens time and time again, and when he is caught, he is sorry, but not contrite. He is sorry about the consequences, but he is unabashedly proud of himself for not internalizing my rules. He is proud of his own indomitable spirit. You can see it in his eyes, his posture, his swagger. It is also reflected in the things he says. "Don't be angry. Try to forgive." It's all about how I should behave. He's not planning to change anything about himself. He's just perfect!

Contrast this with Brownie, our Chocolate Lab. Like Bow, Brownie knows the rules. Like Bow, he occasionally breaks one of them when he is left alone, and the temptation is too great. But Brownie has a conscience, and Bow doesn't. When Brownie is caught violating one of the rules, he is sorry. His posture, his gaze, his every motion says: "I'm so disappointed in myself. I'm so ashamed." Brownie has internalized my rules. Bow hasn't.

"Why is it bad to pee on the floor?" Bow occasionally asks me. "It's bad, because I have to clean it up. Look at my hands. See what you've done to my hands? Aren't you sorry you hurt Mommy?" I have delicate skin, and it reacts harshly to cleaning products, even just soap and water or diluted vinegar. After a series of such cleaning episodes, my hands get raw and red, and there are cracks, and I bleed.

Bow looks at my hands. He tries to groom them, to peel away the dead skin. He licks the raw parts. He gestures for me to suck on the broken skin, as he does whenever he hurts himself. He is sorry that I hurt. But he is not sorry about what he did. He promises to be good, but he doesn't really mean it. He thinks the rules are stupid, and he isn't being untrue to himself when he breaks them.

This is the case with so many people I know. People of many different cultures, who give lip service to one set of rules, while they live by another.

The man from the anime BBS thinks the Japanese in WWII were guilty of moral cowardice when they abused civilian populations and prisoners. But the charge of moral cowardice only applies if you subscribe to a morality that says you shouldn't do such things. That might be true of some of the individual Japanese soldiers in WWII, but not all of them, and maybe not even a majority.

Didn't the Japanese swear to abide by the Geneva Convention? Didn't they promise to honor international law? What if they did? The morality that a person espouses isn't the one he formally agreed to abide by. It's the set of rules he believes in, in his heart of hearts.

Torture takes place, more often than not, because people who promised not to do it hold some other value to be higher. A little old lady friend I know from the great State of Texas supported torture for terrorist suspects under the Bush administration, because she believed it was the right thing to do. She even hinted to me that the way we won WWII was by torturing captives for secret information about the Axis powers. "You should be grateful there are people who are willing to break the rules to keep us safe," she said. I was shocked.

No morality has any power unless it's internalized. My challenge with Bow is to somehow reach him in his heart of hearts. Getting him to give lip service to my rules is not going to change anything. It's the same challenge that all of us face on many different fronts.