Intimations of Mortality

Our dog Teyman died on June 24, 2013. She had been struggling with recurring growths for some time, and she was twelve years old, so her death was not unexpected, but it was still a sad thing for all of us.

Teyman arrived on our property as a stray on October 3rd, 2001. We had just moved in, and it was the anniversary of my father's death, so it seemed like some kind of omen.

Teyman and Sword on the day they met

Over the years, we have come to take Teyman's presence for granted. She was a very independent dog, and she loved to go hunting for her own food.

Bow and Teyman had an uneasy but respectful relationship. Teyman stood her ground with Bow and did not allow him to dominate her.

Life with Teyman was not always easy, because she had a mind of her own and would not always do what someone else wanted. However, when a friend was in trouble and needed to be taken to the emergency room in the middle of the night, it was Teyman who woke me up and insisted that I do something about it right away.

For most of her life, Teyman was a lean and slick looking dog, and she was spry and active. Only during the past few years did she gain weight and become less active. As she aged, she became less tolerant of other dogs, so I had to separate her from Brownie and our new dog Leo. Because she was no longer in the backyard, I took Teyman on walks three times a day for the past year and a half. This was good for both of us.

When Teyman died, Bow was sad. He didn't say he was sad, though. He tried to comfort us by saying it "just happened for no reason" -- זה סתם קרה -- meaning that it was not anyone's fault. And then he said he was not happy. But he didn't say he was sad.

However, he looked sad for the next few days.

Now, he no longer looks sad -- just a little thoughtful. Death is never easy to grasp and understand, even when we do accept it.

When someone we know dies, it reminds us of our own mortality. Sometimes we just need to process for a while. It's not a question of replacing Teyman with another dog. We have two other dogs, and Bow likes them. But sometimes he just wants to ignore Leo and Brownie and just swing and swing and think his own thoughts.

Just Some Thoughts

Bow is not always all that talkative. People sometimes want to know what  he thinks about things he has heard about, but Bow doesn't always share his thoughts with me. Or maybe he doesn't think about everything that I think about.

Someone asked  recently what Bow thought about the election and whether he had a favorite candidate. While I have been pretty vocal about my opinions, Bow has not said anything about his own. He did not express a preference. He didn't share an opinion. Instead, when I became too engrossed in politics, he always directed my thoughts to more practical matters, such as when it was time for a snack, and when I should maybe turn off the computer and put him to bed.

Bow is a pragmatist. He becomes upset sometimes if he feels that something going on in the here and now is not okay. But he does not worry too much about things that have happened far away.

Recently, we heard that Panbanisha has died. It was shocking news to me, for though I do not know her well, I did meet her, and she was someone I sometimes thought of, in the sense that I expected one day soon to see her again. Bow has never met her, but he grew up watching videos of her and Kanzi. He even once said that he wanted Panbanisha to be his girlfriend.

But that was long ago, and when I told him she had died, he didn't say anything. Later somebody asked me: "What did Bow have to say about that?"

I decided to ask him directly today. "You know that Panbanisha died?"

He spelled "yes."

"What do you think about that?"

He took my hand and spelled: למה זה קרה

Translation: "Why did it happen?"

I had to admit that I did not know why it happened. After that, Bow had nothing more to say about it.